Embracing Assertiveness: How EFT Tapping Helps You Stand Your Ground Without Feeling Guilty - ultimate guide!

Ever found yourself saying "yes" when you meant "no" or holding back to avoid conflict? You're not alone. The fear of seeming rude or aggressive often traces back to past experiences, especially in childhood. The downside? Feeling overlooked, taken advantage of, and nursing resentment. Ready to reclaim your voice? Read more to learn how you can master assertiveness..


Have you ever found yourself saying yes when you really wanted to say no? Or perhaps you swallowed your true feelings to keep the peace instead of speaking up? You're not alone. Many of us struggle with being assertive, worried we might come across as rude or aggressive. And let's face it, we want to be liked.

Photo: Jackson Simmer

If we learned in our past relationships (usually as kids) that speaking up created problems, conflict, punishment or rejection, we might have learned to keep things to ourselves. And yet, if we can't speak up when we need to, we risk feeling 'walked on', taken advantage of, and resentful and even angry at ourselves.

Have you ever been mad at yourself LATER that you didn't say anything when you should have?

"To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself. And to trust that there is enough, that you are enough." ― Edith Eva Eger

Enter EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping, a versatile 'tool' that can help you to claim your assertiveness by helping you manage the anxiety BEFORE you do it (if you can plan), help release fears about rejection, punishment, etc, and help you release any guilt, shame or worry.

Let's dive into this transformative approach and explore how tapping away your hesitations can open the door to a confident, guilt-free you.

Understanding Assertiveness and Its Benefits

Defining Assertiveness

At its core, assertiveness is expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, honest, and respectful way. It's about standing up for yourself while also considering the rights of others.

Photo: Steve Harvey

Differentiating Assertiveness from Aggression and Passivity

Unlike aggression, which overpowers others, or passivity, which undermines your own needs, assertiveness finds that balanced middle ground. It's the healthy, direct communication lane we all should aim for.

The Benefits of Being Assertive

Embracing assertiveness isn't just about standing your ground; it's a transformative journey that can enhance various aspects of your life and also improves your personal and professional relationships..

Improved Communication and Relationships: Assertiveness creates an open and honest dialogue that deepens connections and fosters genuine understanding.

By confidently expressing your thoughts and feelings, you create a space for authentic conversations that strengthen your relationships. Assertiveness becomes the key to unlocking richer, more meaningful connections in both personal and professional spheres.

Increased Self-Esteem and Decision-Making Skills: When you feel you can speak your truth, it feels good.

Assertiveness reinforces your confidence and provides a solid foundation for informed decision-making. The more assertive you are, you'll find yourself making choices better aligned with your values and aspirations instead of being resentful of others or mad at yourself that you didn't speak your truth.

Common Barriers to Assertiveness

Usually the first step is figuring out what's keeping you from speaking up. For most of us, it's fear of conflict. Understanding why is the first courageous step toward personal growth and involves a lot of self-reflection.

Photo: Toa Heftiba
"Once you have a major success with assertiveness, you learn that it's a much healthier path than being a doormat to the insensitive folks. You gain respect for yourself, have more time for your priorities, and develop authentic and healthier relationships." ― Doreen Virtue

Navigating the path of assertiveness can sometimes feel like tiptoeing through a maze of barriers that hold us back. Picture this: the fear of rocking the boat or facing confrontation can make expressing yourself a bit daunting. Throw in a sprinkle of low self-esteem, and you might question whether your thoughts and needs are even worth sharing.

Communicating effectively is an art, and if you're still mastering it, finding the right words can be a challenge. Cultural or gender norms often shape our behavior, molding us according to societal expectations. Are you a people pleaser, putting others' needs before your own? It happens.

Then there's the fear of rejection, where asserting yourself feels like playing with social fire. Whether you're too passive or too aggressive in your communication style, striking that assertive balance can be elusive. Anxiety or social phobias may add an extra layer of complexity, making speaking up a mountain to climb. Boundaries, too, play a crucial role – easier said than done without the right skills.

If you haven't had the chance to pick up assertiveness training or lacked assertive role models, fear not – you're not alone in this journey. Overcoming these hurdles involves a bit of self-discovery, honing your communication prowess, and, of course, practice.

The Basics of EFT Tapping

What is EFT Tapping?

EFT, often described as psychological acupressure, combines ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology. It involves tapping on specific meridian points on the body while focusing on the issue you wish to resolve.

Photo: Andrea Hunt

Origins and Principles of EFT Tapping

Developed in the 1990s, EFT tapping has roots in the millennia-old Chinese medicine system but is tailored for contemporary challenges, making ancient wisdom accessible to all.

The Science Behind EFT Tapping

Let's unravel this together to understand how tapping helps:

How it Affects Your Brain and Body: EFT tapping has been shown to have profound effects on your brain and body. As you tap, your cortisol levels, the notorious stress hormone, experience a significant decrease. Simultaneously, the amygdala, the epicenter of fear in your brain, undergoes a calming transformation. It's not just a metaphorical conversation; it's a physiological reality.

As you tap, you're actively signaling your body's stress response to downshift, fostering an environment where cortisol, the stress hormone, takes a noticeable dip.

Ways to Use EFT Tapping to Boost Assertiveness

Photo: liane .
"It is a mistake to look at someone who is self-assertive and say, 'It's easy for her, she has good self-esteem.' One of the ways you build self-esteem is by being self-assertive when it is not easy to do so. There are always times when self-assertiveness requires courage, no matter how high your self-esteem." ― Nathaniel Branden

Addressing Fear of Conflict

Identifying Specific Fears:

Picture yourself in those moments that give you pause and freeze up. What scenarios make your heart race and stir unease? Identifying these specific fears is like shining a light on the shadows, helping you understand the root of your apprehension.

Ask yourself: What exactly are you afraid of? That you won't sound smart? Won't sound confident? That no one will take you seriously? Causing a fight? You can tap on all of these negative emotions before specific conversations

Tapping on the Fear of Repercussions:

Now, let's delve into the heart of it. The anxiety about potential fallout can be scary because you might fear rejection or backlash, but through tapping, you're not just acknowledging this fear; you're actively addressing it. When you use tapping it helps to guide you through the waves of unease and discomfort, making each tap a courageous step towards easing those fears bit by bit.

Ask yourself: What's the fear? What is the consequence? That you might look stupid? That you'll be rejected, and abandoned in some way, cause backlash.

Reinforcing Positive Outcomes of Assertive Behavior:

Envision this: a version of you confidently navigating assertive situations with success. Tapping becomes a tool for crafting this mental image, reinforcing positive outcomes and building a strong foundation of confidence. You can use affirmations that actually FEEL real while you're tapping and reframing your thoughts. It's not just wishful thinking; it's a friendly nudge towards a more empowered and assertive you.

Ask yourself: what would I WANT to happen? What would it feel like if it went the way I wanted without the fear and resistence? Picture the confidence that comes with standing your ground and expressing your thoughts. The tapping becomes a bridge between your current state and the assertive, confident you. It reinforces the positive outcomes of assertive behavior, making them a tangible reality.

Overcoming Guilt Associated with Assertiveness

Photo: Nik Shuliahin 💛💙

Exploring the Roots of Guilt: What are the feelings coming up? Why does asserting your needs trigger that feeling of guilt? What are the roots of this feeling?

Tapping Through Guilt-Driven Stories: Now, let's imagine tapping as a gentle tide that carries away those guilt-driven narratives. It's not about dismissing your feelings but challenging and rewriting the internal dialogue that holds you back.

Strengthening Self-Esteem

Boosting your self-esteem is an active journey, and here's how you can take the reins, navigating with confidence and tapping into your inner strength:

Confronting Self-Doubt Head-On:  Instead of tiptoeing around negative self-perceptions, you're actively tapping on them. You're allowing yourself to acknowledge and release feeling unworthy, not good enough, and not smart enough.

Incorporating Positive Affirmations: Now, envision positive affirmations as beams of light penetrating the darkness. Using affirmations is a powerful way to rewire your mindset after you've released the negativity. Each affirmation becomes a powerful declaration, it's an intentional act of building yourself up.


Assertiveness is not just a skill but a gateway to respectful and fulfilling interactions. EFT tapping offers a unique and effective path to embracing your assertive self without the burden of guilt. By addressing the mental blocks and fears that hold you back, tapping empowers you to communicate honestly and confidently. So why not give it a try? Your voice deserves to be heard, and your needs matter! 

ANDREA HUNT - Online Transformational Life Coach & EFT Tapping Practitioner based in Munich, Germany

I'm an accredited transformational life coach from Animas Centre for Coaching UK  and a member of the International Coaching Federation. I'm also a Level 2 practitioner in EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) and a member of AEFTP (Association of Emotional Freedom Technique Professionals).

If you're not sure where to start transforming your life, you can download my free ebook on How to Start Your Personal Growth Journey.

Are you ready to change your life, let go of old beliefs, empower yourself for a mindset shift to move forward? Mel Robbins says: You're always one decision away from a different life.

Header Photo: Evgeniy Alyoshin

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