How to Make Friends Abroad (Even If You’re Shy, New & Totally Out of Your Comfort Zone)

When We Struggle to Make Friends Abroad

Ever dreamed about living abroad, imagining yourself sipping coffee at a local cafe, having deep conversations with new friends from around the world — only to realize, once you actually get there, you know absolutely no one?

Yeah. Same. It happened to me in China, no less. I didn’t know anyone. Couldn’t speak Chinese. And I was in a ‘town’ of a million people. My Chinese colleagues were wonderful but all had a kid and we went out to dinner at 6pm and were home by 7:30 pm on a Friday and were with their families on the weekend. We worked 10 days and had 4 days free. I was alone those 4 days and it sucked. I ended up looking on MySpace (this was 2006) and found a group of “Zhejiang Province Expats” where I ended up meeting so many cool people! We finally decided to meet up in Hangzhou on those weekends and there I made so many more friends, both Chinese and ‘lao wai’ (foreigner).

Being proactive changed my social situation. I had awesome friends in different cities. When I moved to Beijing I went to university for Chinese class and met more people and it kind of snowballed. Meeting new people is a choice when you live in another country. You have to decide one day: “well, I would like to have friends. So how do I meet people?”

Believe it or not, I used to be pretty shy. Not the kind of shy where you sit in the back of the classroom, praying no one asks you to speak. I was social, with people I knew. And I went to school with the same people for years so I was always being introduced to friends of friends. That’s pretty safe. But making friends by myself without having old friends around was something I didn’t know how to do. It’s easier to go with a friend to camp and meet people. Or go with a colleague to a networking event.

Fast-forward a few years, and now I have friends spread out across the world — people who’ve helped me survive bureaucracy nightmares, celebrated my birthdays in new cities, or shown me the hidden local places no travel guide ever mentions.

But it didn’t just happen. It took effort, especially in Munich. It took showing up when I was tired and didn’t feel like going out in the rain. It took awkward Happy hour meetups, language barriers, and more small talk and reintroductions of ‘how long have you been here?” than I ever thought my brain could handle.

And if you’re about to move abroad (or you’ve just landed), maybe you’re feeling that same pit of panic I once did:
How the heck do I meet people here? And how do I do it without feeling like a total weirdo?

Here’s what I learned — the hard, funny, and ultimately very human way.

When You Don’t Know How to Make Friends At First

Some people arrive to new cities with their partners, which is honestly way bettter as long as you have a supportive partner you can lean on. There’s a moment when you first land somewhere new when everything feels possible. The smell of unfamiliar foods wafting through the streets, the way the buildings look just a little different, even the thrill of seeing signs you can’t fully read — it's exhilarating.

And then, after a few days, reality hits.

You’ve unpacked your suitcase. You’ve memorized the route to the nearest grocery store. And suddenly it dawns on you: you have no one to text. No brunch plans. No friends to call if you need to complain about your landlord or celebrate that you finally opened a bank account.

At first, I tried to convince myself that being alone was freeing (especially since in China in 2006 I was going through a breakup at the time). That I was having a “beautiful, independent woman abroad” moment. And sure, independence is great. But when you’re sitting in a cafe surrounded by laughing groups and couples and families, and you're eating your fried rice alone for the third weekend in a row, it hits differently.

If you’re shy or introverted, it’s incredibly tempting to retreat. To spend every weekend “taking care of errands” or binge-watching DVDs (in China, you can buy cheap DVDs of everything) in your tiny studio, convincing yourself you’re “getting settled.” I know. I did it.

But the truth is: No one shows up in a new country with a ready-made social circle. Everyone has their own awkward beginnings. You’re not weird. You’re human. And honestly? If you want friends, you have to be willing to be awkward at first. It’s the ticket price for something really good.

Language & Cultural Barriers That Make it Harder to Make Friends Abroad

When you live abroad, even basic communication can feel like a minefield. You quickly realize that language learning apps don’t prepare you for real life where you can make friends with those language skills.

Like the time I was invited by a Chinese colleague to his house with another friend for ‘chicken legs’ but actually, we received a pile of deliciously sauced chicken feet. Now, I became MUCH less of a picky eater in China but I just cannot gnaw on chicken feet. I tried them, swigged some beer, and I filled up on the soybeans he made instead and was like: gosh, I’m such a pig look how many soybeans I ate!! I simply can’t fit anything else. My bad :D

Or the many (many) times I thought I ordered something simple at a restaurant like chicken but I couldn’t read the rest of the Chinese character and ended up eating... a surprise chicken dish - sometimes good sometimes I didn’t care so much for it.

But here’s the thing — nobody expects perfection. Locals are usually far more understanding and appreciative in many places. Most people are just thrilled you’re making an effort.

Learning the language — even badly, even imperfectly — is one of the most powerful tools you have. Not only does it make everyday life a thousand times easier, but it also breaks down invisible walls. It shows respect. It opens up conversations that wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

That said, cultural openness varies wildly. Some places will embrace you instantly, showering you with invitations to family gatherings after one conversation. Others will keep you at a polite distance for months before cracking a real smile.

It’s easy to take it personally. Don't. It’s not about you. It’s about thousands of years of cultural norms you just arrived into. Respect the pace. Stay open. Be patient.

Friendships that grow slowly are often the ones that end up the strongest.

How to Make Friends Abroad (Without Feeling Like a Lost Puppy)

There’s no single "right" way to build a social life abroad. But there are a lot of doors you can knock on — and many of them open if you're willing to try.

Exercise groups are another excellent way to meet people if chatting over lattes sounds exhausting. Walking groups, volleyball leagues, yoga in the park — movement makes conversation flow easier, especially when you don’t know anyone yet.

Also, if you’re serious about building a community quickly, consider living in a shared apartment. Even if you’re used to having your own place, sharing space at the beginning introduces you to people who can help you learn the city, practice the language, and even drag you out to events when you want to stay home and hide.

It’s not always comfortable. But growth never is.

Where to Make Friends Abroad (Without Feeling Awkward)

Making friends abroad doesn’t require magic — just a few brave steps (and maybe some awkward ones too).

“Don’t be afraid of new beginnings. Don’t shy away from new people, new energy, new surroundings. Embrace new chances at happiness.” – Billy Chapata

Language Classes: Your Built-In Community to Meet New Friends

Language classes aren’t just for mastering verb tenses. They’re one of the easiest, most natural ways to meet other people who are just as new, nervous, and eager to connect as you are. Plus, bonding over mutual struggles with pronunciation is strangely unifying. And there’s something cool about starting from scratch and learning with the same people. I had a Swiss friend I studied with in Mexico for a few months who I then used to meet up with in Spain years later.

Activity-Based Classes: Pottery, Salsa, Painting, You Name It

If sitting around making small talk sounds exhausting, try doing something. Take a photography or a pottery class. Learn to salsa. Try painting or improv or cooking classes.

Shared activities remove the pressure of constant conversation and give you something easy and fun to talk about — like why your handmade coffee mug looks more like a sad lump of clay. :D

Meetup, Internations, and Facebook Groups

Online platforms like Meetup.com and Internations are absolute lifesavers for finding events, meetups, language exchanges, hiking groups, foodie tours, and all sorts of interest-based communities. This is the easiest way I found to make friends abroad via social media groups.

Facebook groups can be surprisingly effective for making friends too. Search for "[City] Expats," "[City] Digital Nomads," or "[City] Newcomers" or “New in [City]” Some are active, some aren’t — it’s a bit of a treasure hunt. But when you find a good one, it feels like you’ve stumbled into a community where you’re always meeting new people and possible friends.

And if none of these fit exactly what you’re looking for? Create your own gathering. Organize a picnic. Start a hiking group. Suggest a casual coffee meet-up. I promise you, there are other people lurking in these groups who are just as lonely, just as nervous, and just as desperate for someone to take the first step.

Exercise Groups: Movement Makes Conversation Easier

There’s something about moving your body that makes talking feel more natural. Join a walking group, sign up for volleyball, try a running club or open water swimming group if you’re near a coast. I love hiking for example and am so happy there are tons of them every single weekend and I’ve met many people this way.

Movement breaks down barriers — and even if you don’t find your best friends right away, find a way to stay healthy, since as you know I’m a big fan of fitness, you'll boost your mood (and your language skills if the group is local!).

• If you’re a runner, try Hash Harriers.
• If you’re into Cross Fit try here.
• If you’re into soccer (football) try here.
• If you’re into Salsa dancing, try here.

Live in a Shared Apartment (At Least at First?)

If you’re new to a city, consider living with roommates — even if it feels outside your comfort zone. Sharing a living space gives you built-in people to ask about the best grocery stores, where to get your haircut, and whether that sushi place is actually safe.

Shared flats are how I met some of my first friends in Beijing and Munich — and a few of those connections have lasted over a decade.

Shy? Mindset Shifts That Help You Make Friends

Here's a truth I wish I'd known earlier: You don’t have to be naturally outgoing to build an amazing life abroad.

You don’t have to be fearless. You don’t have to have hilarious stories or know all the right things to say. You just have to be willing. Willing to show up. Willing to say hello. Willing to feel a little awkward sometimes.

The first few steps are the hardest — but they get easier every time you stretch that comfort zone.
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you build through action.

One thing that helped me massively? Daily EFT Tapping for confidence, speaking German, and social ‘courage’ before going to a networking event. Try the Tapping Solution App for free here.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) helped me rewire the fears that made me second-guess every new conversation. It helped me calm my nervous system before going to events where I didn’t know anyone.
It helped me move through the fear of speaking imperfect language — and believe me, I made some hilarious mistakes without dying of embarrassment (or at least not permanently).

Working with an EFT Empowerment Coach (like me) can also make a huge difference. Instead of letting fear and anxiety call the shots, you can retrain your brain to feel safe stepping into new situations, starting conversations, and building relationships — even when it feels uncomfortable at first.

Growth happens just outside your comfort zone — but you don’t have to go it alone.

What I Learned About Making Friends Abroad (And Why It’s Worth It)

Looking back now, all those scary first steps? Every awkward coffee meetup, every slightly-too-long silence at a Meetup event, every confusing interaction where I smiled politely without fully understanding?

Worth it. All of it.

Today, I am so blessed to have incredible friends in cities and countries all around the world. Friends who helped me apartment hunt when I didn’t understand local rental contracts. Friends who joined my Thanksgiving dinners in China and Germany. Friends who showed up when I got laid off during the pandemic, who taught me their languages, who celebrated my wins and held space for my struggles.

It started with one decision: Show up and be open. Even when I didn’t feel ready.

Friendships abroad aren’t just about socializing. They’re about building your chosen family when everything else feels unfamiliar. They’re about making a new city — a new country — start to feel like home.

Final Pep Talk: You’ve Got This

If you’re feeling lonely, overwhelmed, or discouraged about making friends abroad, let me just say:
You are not alone. And you are absolutely capable of building a beautiful, rich social life — even if it feels impossible right now.

"There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met". - William Butler Yeats

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need flawless language skills.
You just need a little courage. A little willingness. And a lot of grace for yourself along the way.

The truth is — life abroad isn’t meant to be lived alone.
And your future best friends? They're probably just waiting for you to say hello. :)

So go. Sign up for that pottery class. Join that walking group or the Sunday hike.
Smile at that awkward Meetup event. Because you're way more lovable — and way braver — than you give yourself credit for.

• Meetup.com — Find local events and interest groups
• Internations.org — Global expat communities
• Facebook Groups — Search "Expats in [City]" or "New in [City]"
• Eventbrite — Search for workshops, classes, and networking events
• Tandem — Language exchange app to meet people and practice speaking

 ANDREA HUNT - Transformational Life Coach & EFT Tapping Practitioner based in Munich, Germany

As an Accredited Transformational Coach (Animas Centre UK) and Certified EFT Practitioner (AEFTP), I help you overcome low self-worth, imposter syndrome, and limiting beliefs using powerful EFT Tapping and coaching. Ready to transform your emotional health and boost your confidence?

If you’re curious about EFT Tapping and how it can enhance your emotional resilience while addressing issues like low self-worth, perfectionism, and negative self-talk, download my FREE EFT book!  ➡️ https://bit.ly/4e672x7

‍