​How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex (When Nothing Else Has Worked, Try EFT Tapping)

​How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex (When Nothing Else Has Worked, Try EFT Tapping)

There's nothing quite like the mental chaos that hits after a breakup. One day you're living your life, minding your business, and the next your brain is running a full-blown highlight reel of the relationship without your consent. You're answering emails, but your mind is busy dragging you back to old conversations. You're at work pretending to care about metrics, but inside you're wondering whether your ex ever re-reads your texts like you do. It feels ridiculous, but it's real. If you're caught in that loop, there's a reason for it, and no, it has nothing to do with being dramatic, although it can certainly feel that way..

Obsessing over an ex happens to smart, successful, emotionally aware adults all the time. Breakups trigger something deeper than sadness. They shake your identity, your sense of security, and the future you thought you were building. It makes total sense that your mind keeps spinning. But here's the part nobody tells you. You can actually learn to stop the obsessive loop. You can get your focus back. You can feel like yourself again. And you don't have to analyze your entire relationship to death to get there.

This is your starting point.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell

And YES, I know that it's NOT easy and you're not there yet, but you will be! So let's talk about why your mind has gone into overdrive and what actually helps it quiet down. It is written for anyone who wants relief from the constant thinking, checking, replaying, and spiraling. And yes, it will introduce you to how I work with people to break this loop using EFT Tapping and emotional coaching, but without giving you some DIY checklist you do not need.

What The Obsession Loop Actually Feels Like

People don't like to admit how consuming a breakup really is and maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about. I can't tell you how many clients have told me the exact same thing over the years so trust me, it's NOT just you. Do you wake up and realize your first thought is already about them? Do you grab your phone before your feet even hit the floor, hoping maybe they changed their mind overnight? Do you scroll, overthink, and check for messages even when you know there won't be anything there?

And then you try to go to work. You put your face on, open your laptop, and somehow the simplest tasks feel impossible. Does your focus slip? Do you reread the same email five times and still not absorb it? Do you zone out during meetings and then panic that everyone can tell you're not yourself? I know some people feel like their confidence dips so low they panic going into work and they just want to hide and run away. Does that resonate?

At night, the loop gets louder. Does your brain start rewriting the relationship like it's a crime scene investigation? Do you wonder what you missed? Rehearse what you should have said? Replay the breakup conversation until your stomach flips? And if you try to distract yourself, do the thoughts sneak back in anyway, like a bad song stuck on repeat? This isn't just you "thinking too much". This is heartbreak rumination and it sucks. And if it's making you feel like you're losing control of your own mind, know that unfortunately it's common - it's just awful.

So what actually helps break the rumination cycle? First, let yourself feel what you're feeling. Sadness, anger, betrayal, all of it. Give yourself permission to grieve because it's okay to not be okay right now. Take care of yourself in ways that actually feel good, whether that's a walk, a bath, a book, whatever brings you back to yourself. Don't isolate completely. I know you want to hide, but staying connected to people who support you makes a difference. When the negative thoughts spiral, challenge them. Are they actually true or are you making assumptions? Are you blaming yourself for things that took two people to create? And if you're stuck and can't break the cycle on your own, working with someone who specializes in this can help you process what talking to friends alone can't release.

Keep reading to learn why EFT helps you break this cycle..

Why Your Mind Keeps Dragging You Back To Them

Have you ever tried to tell your brain to just NOT think about your ex? DON'T THINK OF A PURPLE ELEPHANT! How did that work out? Probably not great. Because willpower and determination has nothing to do with it. When a relationship ends, your brain doesn't just file it away and move on. That relationship was tied to your sense of belonging, your security, your identity, your future plans. Suddenly all of that is gone and your mind doesn't know what to do with the empty space. So it loops. It replays. It tries to make sense of something that doesn't make sense yet.

And your body is in on it too. Do you notice tension you can't shake? Sleep that won't come? A pit in your stomach that shows up without warning? Your nervous system registered the breakup as a threat, so it's on high alert. That might be why you keep checking your phone. Why you can't focus. Why you feel like you're going a little crazy even though you know better. Maybe you're even mad at yourself for letting them live rent-free in your head. Sound familiar?

This is what human minds do when something important ends. They loop. We want to understand And understanding that can help you take some of the pressure off yourself. You're having a very normal reaction to a deep emotional hit. And that hit affects everything, including your focus at work and how you see yourself.

One article summarized the most common reasons behind the obsession and rumination:

"Research conducted at University of Basel by Farah Kuster showed that low self-esteem is a predictor of rumination. The research also warned that rumination can often lead to depression. Having these personality traits or low self-esteem usually means you are either scared of losing your ex forever, or you are afraid of not finding love again. According to Healthline, constantly thinking about the past is common in people who always put the needs and wants of others before them. If you were the type of person who would always give priority to your ex’s feelings over yours, or if you would often make sacrifices for your ex, or if you had trouble setting boundaries; you are very likely to have constant thoughts about your ex. It’s also worth noting that introverts have a higher tendency to overthink things generally, and as a result, they may think about their ex too much."

The Confidence Crash No One Talks About

And here'e another thing people don't always talk about: the immediate confidence crash from not being treated well. Thing is, it's NOT only people with low self esteem. Some people end up in verbally or physically abusive relationships with unhealed people or even narcissists. Especially if you were gaslit, you might have stopped being able to trust yourself.

Do you suddenly doubt your decisions? Question your worth? Hesitate to speak up at work when you never used to? Maybe you feel insecure around colleagues now, or you second guess emails before hitting send. Do you avoid being visible? Pull back from speaking up in meetings? Fear judgment even when no one is actually judging you?

Here's what nobody warns you about: breakups can tank your confidence in ways that have nothing to do with your actual abilities. One day you're running meetings and trusting your gut, and the next you're second-guessing an email for twenty minutes. You pull back from being visible. You hesitate before speaking up. You feel like you're performing a version of yourself that doesn't quite fit anymore.

And everyone says to keep busy, right? Throw yourself into work. But how do you throw yourself into work when your brain feels like it's full of wet sand? When your motivation packed up and left along with your ex? When you sit at your desk and feel completely disconnected from the person who used to be good at this job?

Does any of that resonate?

What Most People Try When They Are Stuck

Everyone has their post-breakup survival habits. Usually, it looks something like this: Blocking. Unblocking. Reblocking. Unfollow. Repeating the cycle every weekend. Journaling until the pen runs dry. Talking to the same three friends until they can quote your story back to you. Watching breakup TikToks that make you feel better for a few hours but solve nothing. Analyzing every conversation with your ex like it is part of your job description. Going on dates too early. Going on trips to escape. Working more to keep the thoughts away. Staring at the ceiling at 2 AM anyway.

"Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go".

People try to think their way out of emotional pain. But heartbreak does not leave through the mind. It sits in the body. It sits in your chest. It sits in your stomach. It sits in your sleep. It sits in your energy. It sits in your nervous system. This is why the loop does not go away even when you are trying your absolute best. Your emotional system needs support. Not more overthinking.

Why We All Need to Do the Healing Work

Have you ever wondered why the same patterns keep showing up in your relationships? Why you keep attracting the same type of person? Why things fall apart in similar ways? Here's something most people don't want to hear: if you haven't done the work to heal your childhood wounds, they will show up in your relationships. Every single time. "Hurt people hurt people" is not just a cliche. Sadly, either you'll be the one doing it or you'll be on the receiving end.

Maybe you struggle to communicate clearly or you don't really hear what your partner is saying because you're already defensive. Maybe you project your fears and insecurities all over the other person without realizing it. Maybe you expect your partner to meet ALL your needs because you never learned to meet them yourself. Maybe you stay with someone who treats you poorly because being alone feels scarier than being mistreated. Maybe you think the way your parents acted is what love is supposed to look like, even when it wasn't healthy. Maybe your attachment style causes you to smother people until they pull away, or push them away before they can leave you first.

Does any of this sound familiar? This isn't about blaming anyone. It's about awareness. Unless you had a perfect family, we all carry stuff from childhood. The question is whether you're willing to look at it and heal it, or whether you're going to keep repeating the same patterns and wondering why nothing changes.

“Someday you will wake up feeling 51 percent happy and slowly, molecule by molecule, you will feel like yourself again.”— Amy Poehler"

How EFT Tapping Helps Break the Obsession Loop

I work with clients all over the world who are stuck in heartbreak rumination, identity loss, confidence dips, and emotional spirals. When someone is obsessing over their ex, it is not because they missed a red flag or because they do not know how to let go. It is because the emotional intensity of the breakup is sitting emotionally unprocessed and it takes time.

EFT helps with this in three important ways:

First, it releases the emotional charge from the breakup memories. Suddenly the thoughts no longer hook you. You can think about the situation without spiraling. The memories lose their grip. Second, it calms the hyperactive stress response. Your body gets a sense of safety again. Your breathing changes. Your chest loosens. Your thoughts slow down. You stop feeling like you are constantly on edge. Third, it helps rebuild your sense of self. The part of you that feels abandoned, rejected, humiliated, or ashamed starts to soften. You reconnect to your strength. You find emotional balance again. You remember who you were before this relationship took over your identity.

None of this happens by tapping on random points while repeating affirmations you do not believe. EFT is powerful when the process is guided, intentional, and connected to what is actually happening inside you. After a session, clients often tell me things like: My mind finally feels quiet. I can think about my ex without collapsing and the emotional charge of what they said to me doesn't feel so triggering. I actually slept last night. I feel like I have my life back. This is what breaks the obsession loop. Emotional release followed by emotional stability.

The Moment You Finally Feel Like Yourself Again

There is always a shift although healing and letting go is different for everybody. A moment when people realize the breakup is no longer sitting like a weight on their chest. I'll be honest, most of it happens slowly, in chapters, in steps. And speaking of trips, this is where solo travel can be a powerful part of breakup recovery. Not as an escape. Not as a distraction. As a way to reconnect with yourself.

Travel pulls you out of the environment where everything reminds you of the relationship. It shows you who you are without anyone else's influence. It rebuilds confidence through experience, not theory. It reminds you that life is still happening outside the breakup story. You get to see yourself through a new lens. My own healing after heartbreak involved planes, long walks, quiet beaches, conversations with strangers, and watching sunsets in countries that had no idea what I was carrying. Those trips were not about running away. They were about finding space to breathe.

This is what I help my clients do. Not necessarily to travel the world. But to step back into themselves. To remember their strength. To reclaim the version of them that got buried under the breakup.

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How I Help People Stop Obsessing and Start Rebuilding

My breakup empowerment coaching and EFT sessions focus on clearing the emotional triggers tied to your ex, softening the intrusive thoughts, releasing the heartbreak heaviness, rebuilding your confidence at work and in life, restoring your sense of identity, helping you feel grounded again, supporting you in taking bold steps after heartbreak, helping you stop the mental spirals, and guiding you through decisions and transitions with clarity.

This is personalized emotional work, not generic advice. It helps you feel like yourself again so you can move forward with stability, strength, and actual peace.

If you are ready to stop obsessing, regain your confidence, and get your life back, I can help.

You can book a session or explore your options here: www.dreahunt.com

FAQ: Questions People Ask Most During a Breakup

Why am I still thinking about my ex nonstop?

Because the emotions haven't been processed yet. Your brain is trying to make sense of what happened, and until the emotional charge gets released, it's going to keep looping. It's not because you're obsessive or can't let go. It's because something unresolved is still sitting in your system.

How do I stop obsessing over my ex?

Honestly? Willpower won't do it. Logic won't do it either. The obsessive thinking quiets down when the pain underneath it gets processed. That's why emotional work is so much more effective than trying to think your way out of it.

Why did my confidence disappear after my breakup?

Breakups shake everything. Your sense of security, your identity, your plans for the future. And when your emotional foundation gets rattled like that, it shows up everywhere, including at work. It's hard to feel confident when the ground underneath you feels unstable.

How long will it take to stop thinking about my ex?

It depends because everyone is different. It depends on how long you were with them, how the relationship was, how it ended; there are many factors. Everyone carries different amounts of emotional charge. But once that pressure starts releasing, the thoughts lose their grip faster than most people expect.

Can EFT help with intrusive thoughts about an ex?

Yes. EFT works with your nervous system to release the emotional intensity behind the thoughts. That's why the thoughts quiet down naturally instead of you having to fight them. It processes what talking alone can't touch.

ABOUT ME: I'm Andrea Hunt, an EFT Tapping Empowerment Coach based in Munich, Germany. I help people heal through their breakup and belief wounding and rebuild their confidence.

Follow me for videos about confidence, self worth, solo travel after a breakup, and travel mistakes I made so that you don't have to.

RESOURCES: 💛 Free EFT Tapping Guide: https://bit.ly/4nNn5VY

📞 Book a Discovery Call (Travel Coaching After a Breakup or EFT for Confidence): https://bit.ly/4g4cIrD