What do I mean by dirty feet?
By 'dirty feet,' I'm referring to Maya Angelou's quote. If you dont' know it, it's pretty good and makes a lot of sense:
"I will not let people walk through my mind with their dirty feet," by Maya Angelou.
So what do we mean by this? While most of us probably try to control our mindsets, letting people walk through our minds with dirty feet is pretty common if we're not careful and there are all sorts of ways this can happen. For example, when we're tired or maybe just feeling stressed or sensitive. We see something, hear something, someone looks at us weird or is snippy when we order a coffee in the morning at a café, and what do we do? Get offended. Get angry. Get upset. Get annoyed. Why don't they like us? Maybe we even obsess over it all day cursing what a jerk that person was think of all the reasons this person is against us and how dare they and what TF is wrong with them and who do they think they are? Does this sound familiar?
But you know what? It doesn't have to be like that. Once you understand and accept that you are the only one responsible for your mood, you can control your own mindset and not the world around you. Remember, you can’t control what other people say or do but you can control how you react to it and that’s your power! If you often get hurt and stressed out by what people might say or think of you, this is the post you need to read!
So here are some ways to empower yourself more and build up your self esteem to take back your power..
1. Check where you're getting triggered or offended (Behavior)
Yes, some people are jerks and we can't change that. And with trolls online these days, it's even more common that people will just try to poke at us to get a reaction and the witty clap back has become the new norm. OK, so we have to get out that witty comeback but what's it going to do? Encourage more interaction. Thing is:
"You will never reach your destination if you stop to throw rocks at every dog that barks," Winston Churchill.
So instead of analyzing every little thing people say, do or what it could mean or how it could be against you, focus your thoughts on the positive reinforcement received from others and don't waste your energy on people who don't deserve it your mental energy. This is easier said than done but it's something that if you can slowly adjust to this new habit, you'll learn to let go and regain emotional control much faster.
We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to worrying what others think or say about us. Therefore, only WE have the power to decide how much importance to place on the judgment of others. Don’t forget as Eleanor Roosevelt once said: nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
This message can be really powerful if you are someone who tends to over-analyze things or make assumptions about what people could have meant. If you tend to dwell on what people say and assume it was negative or against you, you could end up not even recognizing genunine compliments received (it seems absurd when you think about it but people do this all the time).
It's much easier of course to take everything personally and while we have every right to do this but it will be at the expense of our own happiness and mental peace. By taking everything personally, it’s like becoming a sponge that absorbs all the surrounding negativity. In short, you're giving all your power away to everyone else.
2. Strengthening Your Confidence (Mindset)
If you want to stop caring what others think of you, you need to build up the image that you have of yourself. This means doing what you can to become more self-aware and improve your confidence by focusing on what you DO have and not what you DON'T. How do you start to empower yourself? By finding out first what you already love about yourself, what makes you unique, and your accomplishments, and other things that make you kickass. The key is to quiet the mean little critical voice that we have with evidence of all the wonderful things that make us who we are.
Empower Yourself with Positives:
Write down everything you love about yourself, take the time to recognize what a wonderful person you are. I'm sure you will be surprised at all the amazing things. Take the time to think about the positive ways that you affect others. What are you grateful for? What obstacles have you already overcome in life? What are you really proud of yourself for accomplishing? Are you a great friend? Are you really good at something you've put alot of time and effort into learning?
Empower Yourself with Acceptance:
Work on accepting things you might not like that you cannot change about yourself and focus on loving and being kind to yourself instead. You will never be able to be sure of yourself until you are able to accept those things about yourself. Our inner voice can be very judgemental and we would never say the things we say to ourselves. Remind yourself that you are enough. You have always been enough.
Emower Yourself with Motivation:
Do what makes you feel good and what you're good at more often. What gives you joy? What activities truly make you happy? It's important not to confuse entertainment with happiness because you always need more of it. Motivation to do something that brings you joy such as an artistic outlet, learning a new skill, reaching milestones in your growth, etc. You will gain a sense of confidence by spending time doing those things that make you feel skilled, capable, and talented as you are able to gauge your progress.
Empower Yourself with Self-care:
When you take better care of yourself, you feel better about yourself. We all feel crappy about ourselves when we're tired, out of shape, drinking or smoking too much, stressed, eating crappy food, etc. Take care of yourself: start exercising, eating right, taking care of your skin and hair and wearing clothes that enhance your figure, not the other way around! Don't exercise because you hate your body, exercise because you love it.
3. Self Acceptance to Release Comparisons (Self esteem)
This is probably the most important thing you will ever learn, and if you master this and find the beauty in yourself, you will feel a lot lighter and more confident. To feel good about yourself, you have to feel good on the inside. This is easier said than done and of course it feels nice to get compliments, to get praise for a job well done, but if we rely on those things for our sense of worth and to feel good about ourselves - that's the problem. You know why? The more rely on external validation, whether it's social media likes or we obsess over wanting everyone at work to like us, etc., the easier it is to give away our power when people don't respond in the way we want.
In particular, one thing we tend to do more than we are willing to admit is compare ourselves to others in terms of how attractive we feel. Remember that absolutely everyone has different standards for what's attractive, and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks because only you can consider yourself attractive and feel it. It's not all about beauty. Don't believe me? Look at how many famous, beautiful stars who struggle with self-esteem issues or even depression and extremely destructive habits because they don't feel good about themselves.
Secondly, no matter what we look like, not everyone is going to like it and there is not much we can do about it. Someone somewhere will still want to judge or criticize anyway, whether you're 'too pretty' or 'too ugly' or 'too thin' or 'too fat' or 'too tall' or 'too short' or 'too light' or 'too dark', etc, etc, etc., you get the point. The real problem is them and it's not always easy but when we remember that it says everything about others if they're out there critcizing and trying to make others feel bad and that's not OK.
Still, when it comes to beauty standards (which are pretty unrealistic anyway and change all time), even the most 'beautiful' women in the world have people who don't find them attractive. There are people who think Kate Moss, Angelina Jolie, or Naomi Campbell are not attractive (I personally don't get this, but I hope you see my point). No matter what you look like there is going to be someone out there who doesn't think so because they probably don't feel good about themselves.
Also, being attractive isn't what makes you feel good about yourself. Once you appreciate who you are and your body, no one can take that away from you. Look at inspiring stars like Lizzo who don't care what anyone thinks because they feel beautiful on their own. Remember, it's not about beauty, it's about perception.
“Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.”—Bobbi Chegwyn aka Coach Bobbi
4. Using EFT for Mental & Emotional Health
The fundamental principle of EFT Tapping, known as the Emotional Freedom Technique, is based on the premise that all thoughts and emotions are forms of energy. Simply put, EFT is used to better manage emotions, belief, and imbalance. The Journal of Evidence-based integrated therapy states that: "Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a novel therapy that combines both cognitive and somatic elements and is an evidence-based self-help therapeutic method and over 100 studies demonstrate its efficacy."
For example, when something happens that leaves you annoyed, sour, overthinking, etc., several rounds of EFT tapping can reframe the situation so that you can move forward without obsessing over it. For these kinds of issues, EFT is a really good way to take back control because it's actively tackling and articulating the problem so we can release it. In fact, people who have EFT sessions are usually super surprised that they immediately feel a sense of relief and mindset shift so they can focus their attention back on the present moment.
If you are curious to know more about this amazing emotionally balancing technique, read more here. We will find out which mechanisms activates EFT and how it manages to benefit our entire body. One of the main advantages of EFT is that it can be done anywhere, at any time and without the need for special equipment. It is therefore a natural method to manage anxiety, and other issues related to stress. Learn more here!
To conclude, I would just like to say that nobody's perfect, yes I know, that's a great cliché, but absolutely true. We all have bad days where we get overly sensitive and overreact or make assumptions about things. The key is not to try not to take everything personally and also to be able to let it go if you do get bothered so that you can get on with your day.
"The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think."
— C. JoyBell C.
Plus, many times, people aren't even thinking about us at all! For the most part, people are busy dealing with their own things so worrying what they're thinking of you is a waste of your precious time. This thought alone is pretty liberating!
ANDREA HUNT - Online Transformational Life Coach & EFT Tapping Practitioner based in Munich, Germany
I'm an accredited transformational life coach from Animas Centre for Coaching UK and a member of the International Coaching Federation. I'm also a Level 2 practitioner in EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) and a member of AEFTP (Association of Emotional Freedom Technique Professionals).
If you're not sure where to start transforming your life, you can download my free ebook on How to Start Your Personal Growth Journey.
Are you ready to change your life, let go of old beliefs, empower yourself for a mindset shift to move forward? Mark Batterson says: You're always one decision away from a totally different life. Learn more about my coaching package click here.
If you're interested in booking a free 15 minute discovery call for transformational life coaching, EFT Tapping or checking out my services page click here. If you're interested in booking a Subconscious Release Technique (SRT) coaching, book here.
header image: Clay Banks
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