Living Deliberately Today: How to Rebuild Your Life After Heartbreak (With No Regrets)
When you hear the words: “living deliberately today,” the last thing you probably think of it how you’re feeling after a devastating breakup that smashes your life to smithereens, right? But stay with me. Because eventually, there’s comes a moment after a breakup when something shifts. You finally stop asking "why me? Why did this happen?" and start asking "what now? And what am I going to do about it?" And I know when you’re in the thick of it, that sounds laughable and downright impossible. But eventually, you stop replaying every conversation, analyzing every mistake, wondering if you could've saved it. And you start thinking: I'm not going to let this break me. I'm going to re-create my life. For ME.
But Living deliberately? That comes next further down the line. That's when you figure out the "what now." That's when you start making intentional choices about who you're becoming and what you're building. That's when you move from "I won't let them or this break me" to actually re-creating your life with intention.
The poem goes: “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” -- Henry David Thoreau.
What Does "Living Deliberately" Mean After a Breakup?
You might not be at that stage where this is even a possibility and believe me, I get it. But stay with me here to create that little possibility of hope. Living Deliberately Today means making choices with intention instead of reacting out of fear, pain, or what others think you should do. It's the shift from surviving in a panic emotionally unregulated rollercoaster to choosing yourself - like taking a solo trip to find yourself again. From waiting for life to happen to creating it. From playing small to living authentically on your own terms.
After a breakup, it's easy to fall into patterns that temporarily feel better but keep you stuck. You numb out with Netflix binges. You throw yourself into work or partying. You rebound into another relationship before you've processed the last one trying to validate yourself. You stay busy with everything so you don't have to feel. But healing means you're not running from the pain. You're moving through it. And while you're moving through it, you're also building something new. One step at a time. You’re not giving in and you’re not giving up. You’re moving forward day by day.
Because here's the truth: your breakup happened. You can't change that. But you CAN choose what you do next. That’s the deliberate part. And THAT becomes your power. The steps in taking BACK your power. Taking your power back from THEM. Keep taking the steps forward. And you will get to that point. One self care moment, one cry. One cooked meal. One hug. One journal entry at a time. You will become whole.
Why This Matters: The Top Regrets of the Dying
Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, wrote a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. She spent years with people in their final weeks of life, and she documented what they all said they wished they'd done differently. And you know what the number one regret was? "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." Not "I wish I'd worked less" or "I wish I'd traveled more" (though those were on the list too). The biggest regret was not having the courage to be themselves. I remember reading that and thinking of the last line of the “Living deliberately Today” poem.“and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
I talk to many people on a regular basis and one thing people say is that they wish they hadn’t wasted so much time because they were afraid to be alone or they somehow thought they couldn’t do any better.
Think about that. Have you ever wasted years in a relationship where you shrunk yourself? Where you suppressed your needs, your opinions, your dreams because you didn't want to rock the boat? Where you stayed too long because you were scared to be alone or you stayed together for the kids even though the relationship was painfully over? Heartbreak is awful and I'm never going to be the one to minimize that. But it’s also filled with lessons when you allow yourself to get uncomfortable with the truth whlie you’re healing. It’s finally permission to figure out who YOU are and what YOU want after you’ve been cracked open. It’s permission to piece yourself back together boldly instead of playing it safe.
At the end of your life, do you want to look back and say "I waited for someone else to validate me because I never learned to love myself enough"? Or “This person broke me and I never recovered’? Or do you want to say "I took my power back and lived"?
The Moment You Decide: "I'm Not Going to Let This Break Me. So what now?"
There's a turning point in breakup recovery. It's not the day you stop crying because crying can be healing, the release of tears is cleansing. It's not the day you delete their number. It's the day you stop being a victim of your breakup and ‘what they did’ and you start being the author of what comes next. That is the deliberate part. For some people, this moment comes three months after the breakup. For others, it's three years. There's no timeline. But when it happens, you know.
You stop checking their social media to see if they're thinking about you or sending you ‘signs’. You stop waiting for them to realize they made a mistake or for them to come back and apologize. You stop putting your life on hold hoping they'll come back. And you start asking: What do I actually want? Not what they wanted. Not what your family expects. Not what looks good on paper. What do YOU want?
This doesn't mean you're "over it." You might still have bad days. You might still cry. But you're done letting the breakup write your story. You're taking the pen back.
What Living Deliberately Actually Looks Like
Living deliberately after a breakup isn't abstract. And it doesn’t need to be perfect. It needs to be purposeful. You don’t need to be perfect either. But you’re living your life on purpose for you and creating a new future. If you’ve been in a relationship for a really long time and especially if you gave everything you had to your partner and family, maybe it’s even for the first time you’ve been able to do this. Thing is, it doesn’t mean you need to move to Tuscany or travel to Bali. Maybe it’s a spa day. Maybe it’s a picnic alone to read for an hour with some tea. It’s about little decisions to think about yourself. To deliberately take action towards your betterment.
It's specific actions. Little bold choices. Big intentional steps forward.
Traveling Solo (Even When You're Scared).
Solo travel after a breakup is one of the most powerful things you can do. Not because it "fixes" you. But because it proves to yourself that you can navigate the world alone. You book the trip you always wanted to take. Maybe it's the one you talked about together but never did. Maybe it's somewhere completely new. You sit in a café in a city where nobody knows you. You eat dinner alone without apologizing for taking up space. You figure out train schedules and currency exchanges and where to find good coffee. And slowly, you remember: I'm capable. I can handle this. I don't need someone else to make life meaningful.
The point isn't the destination. The point is proving to yourself that you can be your own companion. That being alone doesn't mean being lonely. That adventure doesn't require a partner.
Learning New Things.
After a breakup, there's often a version of yourself you abandoned to fit into the relationship. Maybe you stopped playing music. Maybe you gave up hobbies they thought were silly. Maybe you stopped learning new things because you were too busy managing their emotions. Living deliberately means reclaiming that. Take the class. Learn the language. Try the hobby you've been putting off. Not because it'll make you more attractive to the next person. Not because you're trying to prove something. But because learning new things rebuilds confidence through competence.
Every time you master something new, you prove to yourself: I'm growing. I'm not stuck. I'm becoming someone new. Not who you were before them. Someone better. Someone who knows her worth.
Meeting New People.
One of the hardest parts of a breakup is losing the social circle that came with the relationship. Maybe you isolated yourself during the relationship. Maybe mutual friends chose sides. Maybe you're just tired of explaining what happened. Living deliberately means building new connections. Join the hiking group. Take the improv class. Say yes to the invitation even though you'd rather stay home. Not because you're looking for a new relationship. But because you're expanding your world instead of shrinking it.
You're surrounding yourself with people who see your value. People who weren't part of the old story. People who meet you as the person you're becoming, not the person you were.
Trying New Foods, Activities, Experiences.
This sounds small, but it's not. How many compromises did you make in your relationship? How many times did you go to their favorite restaurant instead of yours? How many activities did you skip because they weren't interested? Living deliberately means saying yes to things you would've said no to before. Order the dish you've never tried. Go to the concert alone. Sign up for the pottery class or the kickboxing gym or the book club.
Each choice is a small act of reclaiming yourself. Each one says: I'm choosing ME. I'm figuring out what I actually like, not what I compromised on. And slowly, you build a life that's YOURS.
Living Deliberately vs. Just "Moving On"
Here's the difference between living deliberately and just "moving on": "Moving on" often means distracting yourself until it doesn't hurt anymore. You stay busy. You date someone new. You avoid anything that reminds you of them. You wait for time to heal it. Living deliberately means you're processing the pain AND building something new. You're not running from the breakup. You're not numbing out. You're actively creating a life you're proud of while also doing the inner work to heal the belief wounds that got shattered. This is what I did and I am grateful that I made the difficult choice to leave several years ago because it would have really destroyed me. I love my life now and myself and am so grateful I made a hard choice but the right one.
Because here's what most people don't talk about: if you don't heal the patterns that led you into that relationship, you'll recreate them with someone new. Didn’t heal your mother wound? Guess what’s about to happen in your next relationship? Different face, same dynamic. Living deliberately means you're breaking the cycle. You're asking the hard questions: Why did I stay so long? What patterns am I repeating? What belief wounds need healing? How do I rebuild my confidence so I trust myself again? This is the inner work. And it's not optional if you want to live without regrets or beating yourself up all the time for what’s gone.
How to Start Living Deliberately Today
If you're reading this and thinking "this sounds great, but I don't even know where to start," here's how:
Ask Yourself: What Have I Been Putting Off? Your breakup cleared space in your life. What are you going to fill it with? The trip you've been talking about for years? The career change you've been too scared to make? The move to a new city? Write it down. Not someday. Not when you're "healed." Now.
Make One Bold Choice This Week. Living deliberately doesn't require a dramatic life overhaul. It requires one intentional step forward. Book the flight. Sign up for the class. Say yes to the invitation you'd normally decline. Apply for the job. Start the project. Start small, but START.
Do the Inner Work. This is where most people skip ahead. They make the bold moves but don't heal the wounds. And six months later, they're in the same relationship with a different person. You need to process the grief. Not bypass it. Not numb it. Actually feel it and move it through your system. You need to heal the belief wounds. The "I'm not enough." The "I can't trust myself." The "I'll never be whole again."
This is where EFT Tapping becomes powerful. It helps you process the grief in layers, release the emotional charge around what hurt you, and rewire the beliefs that got wounded when your confidence shattered. You can't think your way out of belief wounds. You have to release them from your nervous system. And that's what tapping does.
Stop Waiting for Permission. You don't need your ex to approve of your choices. You don't need to be "fully healed" before you start living. You don't need anyone's permission to rebuild your life. You just need to take the next step. If not you, then who? If not now, then when?
"Every time your heart is broken, a doorway cracks open to a world full of new beginnings, new opportunities." - Patti Roberts
Living Deliberately Means No Regrets
When you live deliberately after your breakup, you get to look back and say: I didn't waste this pain. I used it as fuel. Look at Adele, who made an entire career from an incredible album fueled by her own heartbreak. She didn't wait for the "right time." She started and now at her. I didn't play small out of fear. I took risks. I didn't let someone else's rejection define my worth. I chose myself. I lived unapologetically. No regrets.
That's the promise of living deliberately. Not that you won't have hard days. Not that the grief disappears. But that when you look back on this chapter of your life, you're proud of how you handled it. You didn't just survive your breakup. You transformed because of it.
Your Breakup Gave You a Second Chance
Here's what I want you to understand: your breakup happened. It was painful. It shattered your confidence. It made you question everything. But it also gave you something precious: a second chance. A chance to stop living on autopilot. A chance to figure out who you are without someone else defining you. A chance to build a life that's authentically YOURS.
Most people waste this chance. They numb out, rebound, or stay stuck in bitterness for years. They let the breakup become the defining story of their life instead of just one chapter. Don't do that. Take your power back. Do the inner work. Make bold choices. Travel. Learn. Grow. Try new things. Meet new people. Live authentically on YOUR terms.
So that at the end of your life, you don't look back with regret. You look back and say: I truly lived. I had the courage to be ME. Your breakup doesn't get to write the rest of your story. YOU do. And that story? It starts today.
Ready to start living deliberately after your breakup? Book a free 15-minute strategy session and let's talk about where you're stuck, what needs healing first, and how EFT Tapping can help you process your grief, rebuild your confidence, and take your power back.
Because there's no way out but through. But you don't have to do it alone.
If you're tired of carrying the weight of your breakup alone, join my monthly Healing Your Heartbreak Workshop—90 minutes of guided EFT tapping, clarity exercises, and community support to help you start releasing what's keeping you stuck. Register here.
-ABOUT ME:
I'm Andrea Hunt, an EFT Tapping Empowerment Coach based in Munich, Germany. I help people heal through their breakup and belief wounding and rebuild their confidence.
Follow me for videos about confidence, self worth, solo travel after a breakup, and travel mistakes I made so that you don't have to.
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